It was a little past 1am on the day of my actual birthday. I have officially entered my 30s with people who are dear to me. I was sitting on the living room of the resort we rented for the occasion with two of my long-time friends, Vanna and Ericka; while some of the remaining guests from the party (a mix of family and friends) are somewhere doing their own thing—some are napping (aka passed out) while some are singing their hearts out. Remnants of the party are scattered in the main area too. Festive balloons are tumbling whenever someone walk past them, pink paper plates are scattered on the dining table with some snacks to nibble on, and then there are the opened gifts on the table. I opened them when the clock turned 12am.
Then there was me on the couch taking it all in.
I wasn’t too sure how the conversation steered to Vanna and Ericka showering me with so many kind words and fond memories they have of me. We have been friends since we were 12 (or even 11, maybe?) so there’s decades worth of history behind us. I remembered most of the stories they shared but the things that surprised me was when they were telling me how I made them feel during our teenage years; stories of what kind of a friend I was to them. It is so rare for one to know that a specific moment in your life would be something so important that you do your best to embed it into your heart and mind so you won’t forget, this was that moment for me.
I’m unsure how many people know this about me, but I do not know how to take compliments. I try to brush it off with a teasing comment like “I know, right?!”, change the subject immediately, or return the compliment back but to properly let it sit and simply appreciate them for noticing is difficult for me to do while it was happening. This blog is an example of that. It took me more than a month to process.
My intoxicated brain was still trying to cope with what the two of my friends are telling me when Tita Des and Benedict (my brother) joined us, then eventually a freshly-showered Ian joined too. They heard what we were talking about and started sharing their own stories about me. At that point, all my brain could process was “what the hell is going on? Are they that drunk? Should I get them water?” but then the stories became specific and then I realise they’re alright as they can complete a full train of thought.
We all decided to wrap things up around 4am. Benedict told me he’ll help Ian clean up and I should go upstairs. Before I did, he hugged me tight and told me how grateful he is for me. I felt his tears on my head while he was towering over me. At that point, I am completely speechless. I sincerely, truly felt that my heart is full. I was overwhelmed. And so instead of attempting to say anything, I mustered a smile as I was trying to calm my heart and said thank you.
Fast forward to the following day when I was sitting in the airplane on the way back to Australia. It was 8 hours of crying as I look back on everything that happened during our three-week vacation. I didn’t realise how hard I was holding my tears back until it started to fall.
“Wow, I heard so many heartfelt messages and anecdotes about me filled with love and affection that I feel could pass as eulogies,” I thought in between sobs. All I could think at this point was how fortunate I am to be surrounded by people who sees me as someone who is so much better than who I think I am.
As I look back, I started to remember the other special moments where someone would tell me a story from our past and how I helped them or the role I played in it. I could not believe they saw me as that kind of a person, or even remembered those stories. I sounded so much better in their stories than the narrative I have of myself in my head.
All of that including fact that they all came out on a Saturday night to celebrate with me despite their busy schedules--some of them had to travel far just to be there--and went out of their way to buy presents, I was floored. They are ticked all the boxes of my love languages. How incredible is that?!
I am well aware that I am far from perfect, but I sure know that I am grateful for the genuine relationships I have made and kept throughout the years. The one true wish I had for my birthday came true, it’s that I prayed for it to be a celebration of the life I had and all the years that led up to my 30th year.
It occurred to me how rare it is to actually hear what you mean to people and how—to borrow Sir Elton John’s words—"how wonderful life is, that you’re in the world.” These things are usually reserved for eulogies and so, seeing the expression in their eyes while they tell me these sincere and incredibly kind messages was the best birthday gift I could ever ask for.
I guess it’s true what they say about surrounding yourself with the right people. The one night we spent dancing, singing our lungs out, and laughing, has filled me with so much love and light that stayed with me even after more than a month. You all made me feel grateful for everything that I have, including my job, that let me spend time with you all every once in a while.
All of that is a long way of saying that we shouldn’t wait for someone’s funeral to tell them how much you mean to them and to make them feel loved and special.
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PS (aka After Credits):
I am immesely grateful for everyone who helped in making the celebration happen in the first place--Bianca, for coordinating with the caterer; Tita Des, for conceptualising and organising the décor and Tinot, Raymund, Julius, Lorenz, and Emi, for helping put them all together; Kuya Rean for cooking delicious dishes; Ate Diane for helping with the cake; Benedict for taking the pictures and videos; my husband, Ian, for renting the venue; and Tito Bengie who did not even bat an eyelash and took over coordinating with the venue when I started to stress out. I love you all and thank you for making my birthday celebration possible!