Some say that we should always carpe diem (seize the day) in order for us to live a life without regrets. While there is truth in that, there are people who interpret it as an excuse to just do and say whatever they want without any regard to the impact of their action on others…because #YOLO.
I don’t think that’s all there is. I think there’s more to carpe diem than the superficial thrill of being adventurous. Surely, feeling or being alive is not just about the cliffs you’ve jumped, the chances you took, how daring your dating life was. It’s also about the emotional regrets. After all, it is said that to be brave is to be vulnerable.
Have you ever heard of emotional baggage? Well, emotional regrets is like that except in this case, we know we could have prevented the trauma if we made a better choice. It’s about saying the wrong thing at the wrong time which caused the person you love to walk away forever; staying in an awful situation because you’re convinced that it’ll get better, or failing to express how you sincerely felt—be it love or sorrow—to those that deserve it.
So, the million dollar question is: How do we live a life with no regrets?
Sorry to disappoint but I don’t think you can. (Even that dude clearly should have regrets)
Humans are made to have free will and because we are flawed—we will inevitably make questionable decisions which adds up to our regret list. No matter how much we deny it, we know we did something wrong in the past and we want a do-over so our regret will go away. It will be worrying if you don't feel any regret for your mistakes, tbh.
Regrets make us feel as though our present situation could be better if it didn’t happen…and we fear that our future will not be as bright and happy as we hope. It’s a cycle that needs to stop.
But, how?!
Ultimately, I think our regrets have a common theme: forgiveness. It’s our inability to forgive others for not making the right judgement, which in effect scarred us for life; our inability to forgive ourselves for not knowing any better than to trust unworthy people or for missing our chance at happiness. Whether we are the sender or receiver of forgiveness, we are unable to live our life to the fullest because we hold on to grudge. No, not the film, but the grudge I’m talking about is just as scary. All these cast doubts in our current reality, making us think that our life could be better.
Try to really think about the things you regret.. then, think about the things you are most scared of doing.
I know people who have been cheated on and have struggled to trust. The worst part is they blame themselves—I shouldn’t have pushed him away; I should have been there for him more; I should have been a better girlfriend—they wonder, what if things happened differently? Would I have been happier?
The answer, I don’t know. But what I’m certain of is we’re missing out a lot of wonderful things that’s going on in our life now by wasting so much time stuck in our regrets.
So here’s a ‘what if’ that will hopefully make us all feel a little better—what if we are meant to feel regret, remorse even, for the questionable decisions and actions we took so we can make better ones next time?
No matter how long we live in the past, we cannot change it. The best thing we can do is to not mess up our present by trying to be better every single day. It should go without saying that the first step in becoming better is the acknowledgement that we made a mistake.
“Let us pray for everyone we hurt and those that hurt us.” This line from Father Jerry Orbos in his Sunday mass is what made me decide to virtually attend his masses going forward. It’s a true gentle reminder that while we wallow in our pain, we might have also hurt others and need forgiveness.
“Someone once said that forgiveness is relinquishing our right to hurt back. If we do not forgive and continue to hurt back those who offended us, the hurting goes on and on. What we don’t realize is that as long as we do not forgive, we continue to hurt our very selves.” Father Jerry Orbos, in a Philippine Daily Inquirer article.
It’s never too late for us to right the wrongs in the past. Embrace the feeling of regret and use it as your motivation to sincerely make an effort to right what is wrong and prevent the same thing from happening again. If there’s anything I learned from watching Lucifer it’s that, we create our own hell loop. The regrets that we have while we are alive, whether you bury it in your denials or not, might resurface when you’re in your dying bed.
As I said, this is more than just about carpe diem-ing your way through life. So while you still can, I believe it’s worth rethinking how you want to resolve your emotional regrets—acknowledge your mistakes, sincerely ask for forgiveness, and make concrete changes.
It’s time we humble ourselves in the realisation that our regrets are caused by our imperfection. We simply cannot live a life without regrets, but we can live a meaningful life. A life that’s filled with repentance, new beginnings, and hope.
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