Growing up surrounded by such fierce, intelligent, and strong women who refuses to accept defeat sure does something to a girl. The world appears limitless; she doesn’t see women having different level of capabilities to anyone else.
This is a journey through that girl’s life.
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MOM
When she was six months old, her own mother went away to work overseas. It was the only way her mom could provide a better life for them; this is what they keep telling her when she started asking for her mother. It was back when internet was not even a thing yet. She would hear her mom’s voice through a tape recording. Then on the days that she longs for her, she would go through the perfumes and clothes she left. She finds herself curled up crying beside the drawers when she does this.
Now that she is now also away from the rest of the family, she can imagine how difficult it must have been for her mom—leaving her kids and not being able to explain, the way that they would understand, why. She can’t imagine finding the strength to do what her mom did. “My mom must have really loved us to endure that” she thought to herself.
As she learns more about the complexity of the world, she appreciates her mother more and more. She sees things differently now and appreciates that she had the perfect mom—one that will relentlessly protect her so she can reach her full potential.
TITAS & LOLA
She grew up with her dad, Tita Gina, and Lola. The fact that she made it out of her toddler to preschool phase alive is all thanks to them! This was the phase when she was all fierceness and hard-headedness. She got into fist fights; went home with wounds from a bike race with the boys, she challenged them because they told her she wouldn’t be able to beat them (she won, of course); you get the gist.
For every time she got into trouble, there’s her Lola who taught her forgiveness, generosity, and how to enjoy good food. There is no denying that her Lola played a big role in enabling her curiosity. If it wasn’t for the safety net that her Lola’s forgiveness provides (or Lola defending her when she is about to get punished or scolded) she wouldn’t have the courage to seek out answers to her questions.
It didn’t help that her ‘adventures’ lead her to stay out late at night. She just enjoyed playing outside, talking to people, and asking questions. When she tries to get home, she’ll realise her dad have locked the gate. It wasn’t a surprise to her because to be fair, his dad did warn her. She was just stubborn.
A few knocks later, her Lola opens the door while telling her to be quiet so his father won’t hear. This wasn’t a surprise either. She knows her Lola will always be there for her, no matter how difficult it is to defend her choices sometimes. “I don’t know how I will survive without my Lola” is what she always thinks whenever she gets in trouble and her Lola wasn’t there to help her.
As an adult now, she gets mini heart attacks imagining how horrible it must be if her kid turned out to be like her because now she knows how dangerous it is to be out.
Tita Gina, on the other hand, showed that women can be passionate; that women can speak up about things they care about. It can be about the war between ABS-CBN vs GMA (the two big networks in the Philippines then), or something more political. Tita Gina was also the one who first taught her that just because women are tough and strong, doesn’t mean she can’t look gorgeous. Tita did her makeup for every dance competition, went to some events and cheered her on. Tita Gina couldn’t care less if she is being loud as she shouts “Go Panyang!”; and Panyang loved her for every bit of it. “My Tita is so cool and fun, her energy lights up every room she walks in” she thought to herself when her Tita came by one time to get her report card back in 6thgrade.
Later on, their clan’s army of strong women welcomed another member when his Tito married his long-time girlfriend, Tita Deceree. She got to know her Tita Des by hanging out with her when she gets home from school or during the weekend. She mainly slept at their place too because they always have popcorn and she sleeps at her Lola’s bedroom.
Tita Des taught her how to embrace individuality. She watched her Tita Des evolve from being a quiet member of their family to now a presence that uplifts them at every family gathering. Her Tita never fails to casually point out the best in each one of them in every conversation. When her Tita says “si Stephanie pa e alam mo naman yan….”, it’s always followed by a comment of how stubborn she is but instead of seeing it as a flaw, she sees it as a good quality. Tita Des knows how to empower her and make her feel strong, and so she kept hanging out with her Tita.
ATE (older sister)
Another quiet but tough member of their family is her older sister. Her Ate who is now a mother of two sure changed a lot. Ate was the first person she looked up to. When Ate said that Virgo is the coolest zodiac sign, she did not second guess it and went around saying she’s a Virgo. She didn’t even have to know the reason behind it because she later found out that her Ate is an Aries (why would she say Virgo is cool? I still don’t know).
Ate was the one who showed her what it looks like to study hard and be good at school. She always goes to her Ate’s classroom because she loves telling people that the smartest woman in their class is her sister. “Si Ate Diane po? Kapatid niya po ako” is what she tells whoever opens the classroom door before she asks 10 pesos from her Ate. I mean, that’s just hitting two birds with one stone, right??
Now, her Ate is a mom and sees how splendid she is at it. Her Ate faced a lot of tough battles throughout motherhood but looking at her nephews’ eyes—she could see that Ate perfectly shielded them from the bad stuff. Her nephews’ eyes glisten as they take a silly video of themselves dancing, or talk about dinosaurs, or just straight up smash toys together. They are happy kids who feel safe because they have a supermom.
MOTHER-IN-LAW (MIL)
There was a priest in the church her family goes to every Sunday who would always make jokes about mothers-in-law. She never understood what was so funny about it because it always just painted the MIL as the natural enemy of the wife.
Then she became a wife and realised that none of it was true, at least in her situation.
From where she was standing, she saw that there were two sides to her mother-in-law: the first one is the version she sees at home. A very caring and hardworking mom who always put other people’s need before her. For as long as you need her, she will not admit that she is tired. She rests when everyone is in a good state.
The other version is the zealous one. Still in the pursuit of taking care of her family, her MIL only shows this side when one of her kids need it.
She admires how her MIL have nurtured and guided her husband’s gentle soul. Whenever her husband will tell a story from her childhood, she sees the big role her MIL played in the making of the great man she had the privilege of spending the rest of her life with.
SISTER-IN-LAW (SIL)
Back when she and his now husband were still dating, there were lots of talk about how critical his sister can be about the women he dates. She sees how much he admire his sister, and so she hoped they would at least get along, even if it’s just civil.
As soon as they saw each other, the first thing his sister asked was “so, kayo na ba?” She was frozen then they laughed. The rest was history.
She found not just a great and supportive sister-in-law, but an even better friend. She loves how they can talk about anything; sometimes without even having to speak.
Her Ate is both gentle while giving off a “not be messed with” vibe. Without even realising that not everyone can do this, she rises above the fear and doubt as she charges into the unknown—determined to once again take charge. She is exceptional.
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You see, these are the women she was surrounded with. She grew up constantly drawing strength, compassion, intelligence, and bravery from all the women in her life.
As inspiring as these women are, she appreciated them most when they showed her how they can be imperfect and make mistakes. They showed her that in order to be strong, you have to be weak first.
She witnessed these women breakdown and cry like it was the end; then rose from it, dusted themselves off, and carried on like a tough soldier.
Now, that is motherhood to me.
Happy Mother’s Day to you lovely, scary, and amazing moms! I love you with all my heart!