Have you ever caught yourself smiling as you daydream about changing the course of your life? It can be switching to a different career path, moving to a different country, or taking a relationship to the next level? When this happens, it’s usually triggered by either a song, quote, or even a person, that woke the dreamer in you.
For me, it was High Hopes by Panic! At The Disco. I listened to it every day when I’m walking home from work or gym. The line ‘didn’t know how but I always had a feeling / I was going to be that one in a million/ always had high, high hopes’ hits me every time.
I was never the kid that people expected to become anything other than ‘the stubborn one.’ I didn’t change that much too. I always find myself challenging an idea or rule if it didn’t make sense to me.
Growing up, my only ‘thing’ in school is that I can dance. That’s it. So people assumed I’d be dumb. There was even a point back in high school when my teacher was handing me my graded reaction paper, she said: ‘This is really good!’ Of course, I was flattered but after a short pause she followed with, ‘Did you plagiarise this?’
But I proved them wrong. In college, my classmate and I magically won a National Debate Competition, and I got the Best Speaker Award. Then, the following semester, I became a Dean’s Lister. So yeah, take that Ms. History Teacher!
I always knew that there’s more to me than what people see.
One question I like asking my friends is this: ‘if you could be anything you want without worrying about money or risks, what would you be?’ Some of them wanted to become their own boss, put up a business like a bakery because they liked bread so much. While others daydream of living a simple and quiet life as a mom, or in New Zealand and work as a farmer. There are also those who want to be as badass as the characters they see in the movies like Miranda Priestly or Tony Stark—a genius, playboy, rich, philanthropist. Or like Barney Stinson. #TrueStory
The best part about that question is that their face usually lights up as they visualise the future that they really want. Seeing them inspired, even for just a moment, made me happy.
But the hang-up is they need to change the status quo to make any of those happen, and it is scary. Then, shortly after that moment of inspiration, they slowly retrieve in their shell like a turtle; because it’s comfortable and safe. No one can harm them there.
Or so they thought.
Like my friends, I was in hiding in my shell last year. I was an Account Manager in a creative firm then. My dream of becoming a lady boss in a creative agency or marketing communication became my shell. It was my dream since college and I stuck with it. Despite the eerie feeling that it’s probably not what I want anymore, I didn’t want to change it because I had just gotten in a better place.
From 2017 to 2018, I got multiple hits by emotional distress. I ended a 6-year relationship, betrayal of a friend, got cheated on, and ex-bosses screaming their frustrations at me for at least twice a week. There were happy days in between too, of course, that’s why I didn’t realise it straight away that all the heart-wrenching experience took a toll in my self-esteem and mental health.
It made me stop going after my dreams. I was terrified to do anything that I just lived by the rules. For months, I kept my head low and stayed exactly where I was.
I looked for reasons to stay despite the unhappiness that the situation is bringing me. That’s when I realised, staying in my comfort zone doesn’t necessarily mean I won’t get hurt, rejected, or even fail from time to time.
I started out having such high hopes and unwavering motivation to change the direction of my life. I was ambitious. When did I stop going after it? And why?
I felt like a hypocrite for always pushing my friends to go after experiences (or people) that made them happy, that makes them feel alive. And yet, there I was, living my life on autopilot because change scared me.
Change has always been a double-edged sword for me—it’s both daunting and exciting. It’s like gambling, the magnitude of the change equates the amount of joy or pain. Both results have 50:50 chance, and the worst part is: our brain automatically thinks of the worst result.
In a book called The Source, Dr. Tara Swart explained that our brain is wired to detect change as threats. It puts up a defence mechanism whenever we are bound to try something new, because it’s an unknown territory for our brain. So essentially, all the reasons you come up with to rationalise why you don’t need to make a change in your life is your brain trying to stopping you. It’s not 100% representation of reality.
The truth is, it’s never too late to change your situation. Once you take the first couple of steps, you’d be surprised how much willpower you have and how it affects the results. I would know—I got my do over.
It doesn’t matter what your situation is, either you have a baby, you don’t have much savings, you lack time, it’s difficult to find a good guy—there is always a way to make things happen for you, and you know it.
I was lucky to have been presented an opportunity to change the course of my life. My then boyfriend (now fiancé), Ian, got offered a job in Melbourne and asked me to come with him through a partner visa. I never would have said yes if I didn’t acknowledge what was wrong with my ‘shell.’
Heck, I never would have seen it as an opportunity in the first place! Before I left everyone kept telling me how insane my next move is—‘you’ll leave a perfectly good job, your family, your life…but wow, good luck out there!’
But because I still am that stubborn kid, I went anyway. I just had to find out what’s waiting for me here, like my spirit Disney princess, Moana. I need to know how far I’ll go.
What got me through was thinking that if I did fail, at least I gave it a shot. I won’t end up in my dying bed thinking how different my life would have been had I just tried my luck in Australia. There’s no guarantee that I won’t face rejections and failure if I stay in the Philippines anyway. So why not fail the Aussie way for a change?
Fast forward to now—I’m ringing my first year anniversary here in Melbourne. I am proud of myself for taking that leap. I didn’t have the promise of a job when I came here, and now, I’ve built a life.
After a month of job hunt, I got offered a role as a Project Coordinator for Coles, an Australian supermarket, retail and consumer services chain, in a permanent contract. You know how big of a deal that is for an Asian like me who had only been here for a month?!
Suddenly, I wasn’t just confined in my little world in the Philippines. My worries before coming here—not having enough savings to support myself, being unemployed for months, wasting the career I left behind—are now irrelevant. And my teammates and boss are nice!
I made friends from all over the world, a job that I enjoy, a partner who is supportive, responsible, and kind. I’m happy.
Once again, I found myself learning and growing as a professional and human. I never would have discovered so much about myself if I stayed. I wouldn’t know that I can properly cook (I love how Ian’s face lights up as he takes his first bite of the meal I prepared!); that I can take care of myself; that I even after five years in PR & Advertising, I can learn the ropes in a different line of work.
It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure. I went through a lot of crying, rejections—I even got fired after two days in my first job! But I kept going forward.
Change will always be scary but it’s also the only constant thing in life, says your boy Heraclitus. This means that you can hide all you want in your shell, change will still come and get to you. All you got to do is to choose: would you rather be scared and hide your shell—not knowing the answers to your ‘what ifs’ or do you want to be scared while you seek answers?
A lot of people doubted me but I know I’m going to be that one in a million. With the support of people who matters, I will do great things. And I hope you do too.
Life’s bitterness is never intended to make you hide in your shell. It’s supposed to wake you up when you’re on autopilot—it’s a nudge for you to rethink how you see yourself, your reality, and the people around you.
Then, and only then, will you discover how truly strong, unique, and brilliant you are.