It’s the day before Valentine’s and I’m sitting here thinking, how did I become so lucky? I look around our home and see little evidences of the life we’ve built so far—the stack of books on my bedside table, the newly-washed clothes waiting to dry—hung in the middle of our living room.. then there’s you.
This is an actual photo of how we cap our day. You'd reach for my hand when it's been
more than 5 mins since we last spoke. #clingy
Back in 2017, after breaking off my 6-year relationship with my ex, I found myself sitting alone in an apartment in Makati, listening to Ed Sheeran singing about his perfect love. I remember thinking to myself ‘Wow, does anyone actually love someone like that? Like he will stand by her no matter what, because he loves every bit of her—the good, the bad, and the messy. If so, will I experience that?’
Then you came along, a familiar face from high school. I met you again at the most imperfect time. Not only was I at my worst, you were also about to leave the country for your biggest career opportunity yet. I thought that’ll be the end of our story; if anything, I reckon we would only last until 4 months, tops.
But here we are. Two years in our shared life together, and we made Melbourne our home.
“I really believe our relationship was guided by God. Come to think of it, there were a lot of reasons for us both to leave, but we didn’t. We held on and we’re happy as a clam” I told you that one time. We were in a restaurant waiting for our food to be served then, I think.
It’s true, if we followed the society’s definition of a perfect relationship—there were a lot of reasons to leave. There’s the timing, long distance, and cheating. Ironically though, from my perspective, those things that could have broken us—only made this relationship stronger.
First, timing. I wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship when I met you. My friends were even trying to set me up before we had our ‘date’ but I refused. You know this because I said ‘no, not yet,’ when you asked me if I was accepting suitors, with only 30 minutes into our date. Haha! We haven’t even ordered yet, you eager beaver.
Second, long distance. This one is an obvious reason—long distance sucks! When you left, we both kept our options ‘kinda’ open. But somehow, even if you were miles away from me, our hour-long (at minimum) video calls were the best part of my day. It’s the time of the day that I truly feel understood. Remember when I was listening to Ed Sheeran (again) and I cried because of how much I missed you? It was weird missing someone you only spent time four weeks of your life with. But when I closed my eyes, all I saw us ‘dancing in the dark, with me between your arms, barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song.’ Seriously. I think that’s when I knew I love you--and it was two months before I actually said it. Yes, I know, you’ll make it a point that they know I was the one who said it first!
And yes, the cheating. It was an ugly part of our story, but we wouldn’t be here if not for this. Long distance naturally tested our loyalty to each other. Being attractive as we both are (haha!), it’s only a matter of time until someone else wants to snatch us up. When I look back at this, especially when I was deciding whether I am ready to tie the knot--amidst the awfulness of it all were visions of your sincere eyes filled with neglect as you saw me crying. That’s one of the first instances when I confirmed that you meant it when you said ‘masaya ako pag masaya babygirl ko.’ Because I have never seen anyone look as broken as I am, if not more, at the sight of my pain.
I saw that look in your eyes again just last week when I injured my back. You hated the fact that I was crying in pain, you hated that I’m not malikot, you hated that I was forced to just lie straight in bed.
Having realised all that, I guess our life together—the core of my happiness and peace—was built, not because of sheer luck. It was because of the tough choice we keep making and most importantly, God’s gracious intervention.
I remember how my prayers changed in every trial we went through. It started with me asking God to help us fix our problems; to asking for guidance for us both instead. He knows our heart, mind, and soul more than anyone. It was only Him who knows what the future holds for us, and whether we are right for each other. Time and time again, He brought us together. (Thank you, Lord. We sure couldn’t have done this without You.)
When we got engaged, people have been asking me ‘how did you know Ian’s the one?’ The answer is simple, really. In my past relationships, I learned that I truly am a strong and independent woman. I didn’t, and still don’t, need a man to save me or help me get my life together. But I do need someone I can count on; to be my partner in facing life’s greatest troubles and triumphs. A man who understands me even when I’m not making much sense; a man who will patiently wait until the wild tides that are my feelings & thoughts settle down; a man who by all means, will stand by me.
All those things are you, my love. Even more. You are more than I could ever ask for.
Three years in—one of which being in a pandemic—and yet, you make feel as if our life is a romantic comedy film or even better, that I am a girl in an Ed Sheeran song! My heart is filled with nothing but love, whenever I look back at everything we went through just to be where we are. It was all worth it. Our future kids couldn’t be more lucky to have you as their future dad. We are in good hands.
I love you so much, my sweet love.